made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can I color on your dick again?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
