I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
