booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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