Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
