I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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