He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
