Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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