She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
