yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
