STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
