spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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