it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize