Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
