You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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