I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
