I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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