I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
