I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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