First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
