I will die if light touches me.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
