You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
did i just pee glitter
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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