how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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