shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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