I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
