I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No subtext here. People are naked.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
