She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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