i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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