if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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