I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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