Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
