He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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