This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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