Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
