We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
