Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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