Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
