whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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