please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
