sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
