thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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