She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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