I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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