I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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