Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she smelled like a LAN party
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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