Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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