she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
