Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
