Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I fill condoms, not promises.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
