oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
