I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I faked an abortion last night.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
