I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
