the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
