too bad you live with your parents still
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
