i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
