It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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