Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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