I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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