Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
