Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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