Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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