I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
