Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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