Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
